Racerchaser
02-02-2006, 01:10 AM
Road Map for Success in the South!
>
>
> General
>
>
>
> 1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
> 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
> 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
> 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
> 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
>
> DINING OUT
>
>
>
> 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
> 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
>
> ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
>
>
>
> 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
>
> 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are.
>
> PERSONAL HYGIENE
>
>
> 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
> 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
> 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
>
> DATING (Outside the Family)
>
>
> 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
> 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
> 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday."
>
> THEATER ETIQUETTE
>
>
> 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
> 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you
>
> WEDDINGS
>
>
> 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
> 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
> 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. Leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
> 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
>
> DRIVING ETIQUETTE
>
>
> 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
> 2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
> 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
> 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
> 5. Do not burn rubber while traveling in a funeral procession
:wow3_nbs::icon_beerchug::18lol::lol04:
>
>
>
> General
>
>
>
> 1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
> 2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
> 3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
> 4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
> 5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.
>
> DINING OUT
>
>
>
> 1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
> 2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.
>
> ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
>
>
>
> 1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
>
> 2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table...no matter how good his manners are.
>
> PERSONAL HYGIENE
>
>
> 1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
> 2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
> 3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.
>
> DATING (Outside the Family)
>
>
> 1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
> 2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
> 3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday."
>
> THEATER ETIQUETTE
>
>
> 1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
> 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you
>
> WEDDINGS
>
>
> 1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
> 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
> 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. Leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance.
> 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.
>
> DRIVING ETIQUETTE
>
>
> 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
> 2. When approaching a four way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.
> 3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
> 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
> 5. Do not burn rubber while traveling in a funeral procession
:wow3_nbs::icon_beerchug::18lol::lol04:
>