Racerchaser
04-07-2007, 11:18 PM
for some of our members that don't know all the terms
Racing Definitions:
Tire Groover: This tool is used to cut pieces of rubber out of a perfectly good $150.00 race tire. The tire manufacturer must sell the tool as it shortens the life of the tire by a factor of 10. The groover also keeps the crew chief busy while the driver hits on his girlfriend. It makes a lot of smoke and tends to make other race teams begin the same fruitless endeavor.
Flagman: Someone that stands in a tower, waving pieces of colored cloth frantically like a blackbird with feet stuck to a hot tarred road. The flagman also makes hand gestures that must only make sense to low flying aircraft, as no driver seems to have clue as to what to do. Some drivers must really like the flagman because they show them that they are number, every time they drive by.
Racing Scales: These incredibly accurate weight-measuring devices work like Quiji boards. After several adjustments and tantrums the more you are around the scales the more you want to throw tools at them or burn them to the ground.
The Hauler: This is generally a 48-foot semi trailer, which hauls the car, tools and spare parts. They are now so big that the crew can hide these parts, tools, and equipment so well that they will never be seen again.
Crew Chief: The crew chief is the team manager and the person that is most knowledgeable about the car and its set up. He has the keen ability to translate the gibberish spouted by the driver, and nods his head positively, even though he has no plan of making any changes. The Crew Chief is a person that takes all the blame when the car will not go Roundy-Round the way the driver thinks it should. If by some miracle of divine intervention, the car does win. Lord knows it will not be because of the car or the set up; it will all be due to the unbelievable talent of the driver. Fans believe the drivers are the key to a winning effort, much as four year olds believe in Santa. To prove their belief, the fans flock to the drivers to have them sign t-shirts, popcorn boxes and beer cans. These treasures will then be proudly displayed on dashboard of their pick up truck.
Dark Sunglasses: These dark tinted eye covers allow old racers the ability to ogle young girls without the knowledge to all around of the evil thoughts going through their heads. If the glasses were removed, the eyes are spinning like a slot machine.
Traction Control: This is a device that when purchased for large amounts of money will move the guy that usually finishes last to second to last. Real Drivers would never purchase an illegal part to make them win!
MSD Ignition System: No one really understands this device. It is powered by smoke as once you let the smoke out it does not work anymore.
MSD Ignition Rev Limiter Chip: This is a device, which will not allow the motor to over rev causing failure of the 35 thousand dollar power plant, causing it to explode. For the most part the chip will be kept in the driver’s pants pocket, unless the car owner is on-site.
Driver: This is a guy that dresses up like a member of Village People, which pilots the racecar. They have incredible way of making it sound like they are always on the cusp of some amazing earth-shattering find that will make the car a rocket. When this does not happen, they are programmed to say, “I think if the race would have lasted five more laps we had something for them.” They tend to stand in groups of other similarly dressed opponents where they discuss racing while they pretend to hold the steering wheel to reenact an incredible driving maneuver. You will generally find these driver gatherings while the driver has left the pit trailer to “CHECKING THE TRACK” (see quad runner).
Engine: This incredibly powerful device propels the car on the racetrack. Engines range from 30 to 50 thousand dollars depending on which liar you are talking to. It works on the same principle as the MSD Ignition system. However at times it can put on a fireworks show, which will match your hometowns Fourth of July Celebration.
Engine Gauges: These pretty displays are never looked at once racing begins.
Tattletale Tachometer: This is a great device, which if used properly will define the highest RPM turned during a race. This can be very helpful to the crew allowing them to determine correct gearing for the car. However, in most cases the driver clears this on the cool down lap so that the car owner does not know the 35 thousand dollar engine was turning 9200 RPM and nearing explosion.
Helmet: Is a safety device used for protecting ones head. In racing, it is also used as projectile to be thrown at an opponent’s racecar, which may or may not have caused the helmet owner to wreck his car. Please note in certain emergencies a steering wheel can be used like a helmet. In the middle of August, the helmets also act as a full-blown EPA violation as the smell emanating is nothing less than a dead cat on a 100-degree day.
Racers Wife or Girlfriend: These ladies can be very helpful at the racetrack, some work on the car, some record lap times, and retrieve line-ups, and others simply make it worthwhile for older drivers to wear sunglasses. Most importantly, when excited they can produce incredibly loud volume levels as they express their opinions and launch vulgar expletives that will make a sailor blush.
Quad Runner: This is a motorized vehicle, which is very helpful, when getting gas and parts or even food for the race team. However most of the time it simply seats the driver as he tools off to “CHECK THE TRACK” while the crew busts their butts on a 95-degree day.
Sanctioning Rules: These are rules, which insure that racers compete on a level playing field. Most race teams simply see these well-defined rules as recommendations from governing bodies. A race team does not feel that if they bend, adjust, or ignore a rule to be a violation. However if a competing team has done the same it is considered a violation punishable by hanging (See Whining and Sniffling).
Internet Racing Forum: As the world evolves around the internet so does the sport of racing. Racing forums began as a very good way of letting race teams and fans know about upcoming events. Rapidly these forums were overtaken by a small number of bipolar wack-jobs (see yahoo’s under Sanctioning Rules) which use the forum to vomit there opinions on racing and glorify their incredible knowledge of the sport. Those involved in racing obtained this knowledge while sitting on a cooler in the back of their pick up truck on race day and exaggerating overheard conversations. They are well known for using words like We and Us as they describe “Their favorite drivers accomplishments or comments” As a rule most race teams would prefer that these yahoo’s comments be pasted with the following disclaimer: THE COMMENTS OF THIS YAHOO DOES NOT REFLECT THE OPINIONS OR POLICIES OF OUR RACE TEAM. For those that actually contribute quality information and race recaps we salute you.
Racing Definitions:
Tire Groover: This tool is used to cut pieces of rubber out of a perfectly good $150.00 race tire. The tire manufacturer must sell the tool as it shortens the life of the tire by a factor of 10. The groover also keeps the crew chief busy while the driver hits on his girlfriend. It makes a lot of smoke and tends to make other race teams begin the same fruitless endeavor.
Flagman: Someone that stands in a tower, waving pieces of colored cloth frantically like a blackbird with feet stuck to a hot tarred road. The flagman also makes hand gestures that must only make sense to low flying aircraft, as no driver seems to have clue as to what to do. Some drivers must really like the flagman because they show them that they are number, every time they drive by.
Racing Scales: These incredibly accurate weight-measuring devices work like Quiji boards. After several adjustments and tantrums the more you are around the scales the more you want to throw tools at them or burn them to the ground.
The Hauler: This is generally a 48-foot semi trailer, which hauls the car, tools and spare parts. They are now so big that the crew can hide these parts, tools, and equipment so well that they will never be seen again.
Crew Chief: The crew chief is the team manager and the person that is most knowledgeable about the car and its set up. He has the keen ability to translate the gibberish spouted by the driver, and nods his head positively, even though he has no plan of making any changes. The Crew Chief is a person that takes all the blame when the car will not go Roundy-Round the way the driver thinks it should. If by some miracle of divine intervention, the car does win. Lord knows it will not be because of the car or the set up; it will all be due to the unbelievable talent of the driver. Fans believe the drivers are the key to a winning effort, much as four year olds believe in Santa. To prove their belief, the fans flock to the drivers to have them sign t-shirts, popcorn boxes and beer cans. These treasures will then be proudly displayed on dashboard of their pick up truck.
Dark Sunglasses: These dark tinted eye covers allow old racers the ability to ogle young girls without the knowledge to all around of the evil thoughts going through their heads. If the glasses were removed, the eyes are spinning like a slot machine.
Traction Control: This is a device that when purchased for large amounts of money will move the guy that usually finishes last to second to last. Real Drivers would never purchase an illegal part to make them win!
MSD Ignition System: No one really understands this device. It is powered by smoke as once you let the smoke out it does not work anymore.
MSD Ignition Rev Limiter Chip: This is a device, which will not allow the motor to over rev causing failure of the 35 thousand dollar power plant, causing it to explode. For the most part the chip will be kept in the driver’s pants pocket, unless the car owner is on-site.
Driver: This is a guy that dresses up like a member of Village People, which pilots the racecar. They have incredible way of making it sound like they are always on the cusp of some amazing earth-shattering find that will make the car a rocket. When this does not happen, they are programmed to say, “I think if the race would have lasted five more laps we had something for them.” They tend to stand in groups of other similarly dressed opponents where they discuss racing while they pretend to hold the steering wheel to reenact an incredible driving maneuver. You will generally find these driver gatherings while the driver has left the pit trailer to “CHECKING THE TRACK” (see quad runner).
Engine: This incredibly powerful device propels the car on the racetrack. Engines range from 30 to 50 thousand dollars depending on which liar you are talking to. It works on the same principle as the MSD Ignition system. However at times it can put on a fireworks show, which will match your hometowns Fourth of July Celebration.
Engine Gauges: These pretty displays are never looked at once racing begins.
Tattletale Tachometer: This is a great device, which if used properly will define the highest RPM turned during a race. This can be very helpful to the crew allowing them to determine correct gearing for the car. However, in most cases the driver clears this on the cool down lap so that the car owner does not know the 35 thousand dollar engine was turning 9200 RPM and nearing explosion.
Helmet: Is a safety device used for protecting ones head. In racing, it is also used as projectile to be thrown at an opponent’s racecar, which may or may not have caused the helmet owner to wreck his car. Please note in certain emergencies a steering wheel can be used like a helmet. In the middle of August, the helmets also act as a full-blown EPA violation as the smell emanating is nothing less than a dead cat on a 100-degree day.
Racers Wife or Girlfriend: These ladies can be very helpful at the racetrack, some work on the car, some record lap times, and retrieve line-ups, and others simply make it worthwhile for older drivers to wear sunglasses. Most importantly, when excited they can produce incredibly loud volume levels as they express their opinions and launch vulgar expletives that will make a sailor blush.
Quad Runner: This is a motorized vehicle, which is very helpful, when getting gas and parts or even food for the race team. However most of the time it simply seats the driver as he tools off to “CHECK THE TRACK” while the crew busts their butts on a 95-degree day.
Sanctioning Rules: These are rules, which insure that racers compete on a level playing field. Most race teams simply see these well-defined rules as recommendations from governing bodies. A race team does not feel that if they bend, adjust, or ignore a rule to be a violation. However if a competing team has done the same it is considered a violation punishable by hanging (See Whining and Sniffling).
Internet Racing Forum: As the world evolves around the internet so does the sport of racing. Racing forums began as a very good way of letting race teams and fans know about upcoming events. Rapidly these forums were overtaken by a small number of bipolar wack-jobs (see yahoo’s under Sanctioning Rules) which use the forum to vomit there opinions on racing and glorify their incredible knowledge of the sport. Those involved in racing obtained this knowledge while sitting on a cooler in the back of their pick up truck on race day and exaggerating overheard conversations. They are well known for using words like We and Us as they describe “Their favorite drivers accomplishments or comments” As a rule most race teams would prefer that these yahoo’s comments be pasted with the following disclaimer: THE COMMENTS OF THIS YAHOO DOES NOT REFLECT THE OPINIONS OR POLICIES OF OUR RACE TEAM. For those that actually contribute quality information and race recaps we salute you.