Racerchaser
08-04-2006, 12:38 PM
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
Sweatshirt.
>Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
"What
>setting do I use on the washing machine?"
>"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
>He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
>
>And they say blondes are dumb...
>
>A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
>happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
>
>"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says
>as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the
neighbors
>would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
>"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
>
>He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a
good
>idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and
fart.
>
>Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
>A: A rumor
>
>A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were
>celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a
good
>fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that
each
>one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the
>world with her husband.
>
>Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
>The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
>Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
>
>A PRAYER....
>
>Dear Lord,
>I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
>Love to forgive him;
>And Patience for his moods.
>Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
>I'll beat him to death.
>AMEN
>
>Q: Why do little boys whine?
>A: They are practicing to be men.
>
>Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
>A: Trustworthy.
>
>Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
>calling your name?
>A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
>
>Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
>A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
>
>Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
>A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
>
>Q: What is the difference between men and women?
>A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every
woman
>to satisfy his one need.
>
>Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
>A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
>
Sweatshirt.
>Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
"What
>setting do I use on the washing machine?"
>"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
>He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
>
>And they say blondes are dumb...
>
>A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
>happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
>
>"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says
>as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the
neighbors
>would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
>"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
>
>He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said - That's a
good
>idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and
fart.
>
>Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
>A: A rumor
>
>A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were
>celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a
good
>fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that
each
>one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the
>world with her husband.
>
>Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
>The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
>Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!
>
>A PRAYER....
>
>Dear Lord,
>I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
>Love to forgive him;
>And Patience for his moods.
>Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,
>I'll beat him to death.
>AMEN
>
>Q: Why do little boys whine?
>A: They are practicing to be men.
>
>Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
>A: Trustworthy.
>
>Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
>calling your name?
>A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
>
>Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
>A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
>
>Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
>A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
>
>Q: What is the difference between men and women?
>A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every
woman
>to satisfy his one need.
>
>Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
>A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
>